dreams

Even Crazy Dreams Come True

When we got married my sister in law made me a book of letters written from so many important people in my life. I recently read them all through tear filled eyes and today I’m reminded of the words of one of my bridesmaids & college roommates.

The letters were full of memories and laughs and marriage advice. In her letter my roommate wrote, “marriage is what you make it”. See, she and I spent countless college hours on our couch pondering life and all it’s wonders. She was married a couple years before we were and knew these words were exactly what she needed me to hear. Years later, she’s definitely not wrong. (Thanks, Ky!) Marriage, life, all the things, are exactly what we make it.

Before we bought this house Sam and I spent an endless amount of nights on our back porch coming up with all the pros and cons of being here. One night we’d have great ideas and the next we’d talk ourselves out of everything we dreamed of the night before. We even made a list on an old cardboard box that sat in our garage. We walked past that list twice a day, every day, for two years. Sam’s level-minded self saw expenses of owning an old home and what ifs. I saw crazy ideas and babies running barefoot.

The only thing that made me nervous was if the farm would ever feel like ours. Would my family feel just as safe and welcome here as Sam’s family has always felt? Would it be ok if I changed paint colors? What if we decided to change the way something has always been done?

This weekend my family came over to celebrate life since quarantine and simply be together. The pool was filled with kids, and adults, and now has less water from a cannon ball contest. We played a pretty intense all-in family game of wiffle ball. We sat in a circle of chairs in the yard for dinner and when it got late we moved the circle to the campfire for s’mores.

In 10 short months of living here we have done all of the things I was afraid of doing. Sam has painted almost every wall in this house. The porch is never as clean as it was when we used to visit. Our care-taking of the pool isn’t quite up to par, yet. We’ve made a mess of the yard after a long night at the fire. My family has come over to visit and felt just as welcome at this little house on the prarie as Sam’s side of the family felt the next day when they came over. Friends and their tiny babes have come over to play and slipped right into place. I’ve sat on the porch on slow mornings and had glimpses of talking with Sam’s grandpa and imagined the boys walking through the garden with mine. My grandma has told me multiple times, with a smile on her face, that she can’t believe I live on a farm. Life in this house is different than it was a year ago but in so many ways I’d like to think it is the exact same as it’s always been.

This morning as I sit here on the porch listening to the ducks, and the birds, and the slow traffic far away I’m remembering my college roommate and know that our life is exactly what we’ve made it; pretty dang grand. This old yellow farmhouse, and all the endless amount of work included, is a perfectly imperfect dream I don’t ever want to wake up from. ❤️

Adventures with Baby H- Part 2, My Wish

Warning: This is going to be a sappy, mushy post. Those pregnancy hormones must be kicking in. Also, we have not found out Baby H’s gender yet but for the sake of my sanity, in this post baby is going to be referred to as he.

In the last couple months Sam and I have attended/been part of several milestone events for people in our life. Funerals, weddings, wedding showers, hearing my niece say one of her first words, friends buying a house and I’m sure more I can’t quite remember (thank you pregnancy brain). I have found myself fighting back tears at many of these events. It’s quite an amazing feeling to be growing a human. At Sam’s great aunts funeral I found myself hoping he would live a life as joyful and memorable as her. That there would be people who loved him and wanted to share stories and memories with him. At a wedding we went to last night I couldn’t hold back the tears when I looked at Sam, tears rolling down, during the mother/son dance and said “I’m going to have to do this some day.” His response was, “I might have to, too.” Lordy, these are things you (or maybe it was just us) don’t think about when you have the conversation with your significant other about having kids. Of course we have thought about the school events, sporting events, or family outings but literally every single part of our lives is going to have a whole new meaning once baby arrives. And we just simply cannot wait. I hope Baby H has people in his life who will guide him, create adventures with him, teach him a thing or two and just show him how it feels to be one of the luckiest people on Earth.

I hope he understands it’s okay to keep things simple like our grandparents. They have showed us a little hard work will take you a long way. I hope he has the dedication to all things like my dad (Sam, not so secretly, hopes he has the athletic ability of my dad). I hope he has the strength of my mom when life doesn’t go his way. I hope he has the love of the outdoors and the ability to take care of others like Sam’s mom. I hope he has the sense of humor and ability to make people laugh like Sam’s dad. I hope he has the sense of service like my brother. I hope he has the want to make things right like Sam’s brother. I hope he has the ability to cook like his aunt (unless some crazy miracle happens and I suddenly enjoy cooking, he won’t get that from me).

I hope he has people he calls family even though they are not blood related. The people he may start to explain the relationship, “My parent’s best friends of 30 years, daughter’s…” but then just decides to say “My family, you probably won’t get it.” instead because it’s easier.  I hope he has cousins he is excited to  talk to when life shows him new adventures, even though they may be scattered across the country.

I hope he has friends he stands in a circle with at a wedding and belts out songs like Jamey Johnson’s “In Color” and knows he’s not the only one that is singing the words right from the heart. I hope he has friends halfway around the world who share with him what it’s like to be a part of a different culture. I hope he has “small town America” friends that he can go visit after a rough week and enjoy the smell of cow manure and simplicity that being in a town with one or two traffic lights brings. I hope he has the friends he without a doubt knows will have his back at all hours of the day.

I hope he can sit on the patio of his own home on a sunny Sunday morning, throw a rope with his dog, hear the tv going inside the house and have a hard time understanding how he got to be so lucky.