Two weeks ago, in a virtual team meeting, I tried to hide all of the feelings as one lonesome tear fell down my face. I was (still am) new to this whole online learning scene and I couldn’t figure out how to quickly get my face off of everyone’s screen as I felt my face starting to get red. I soon learned my hiding was a fail as I got text messages of support from co-workers.

You see, I didn’t go to school to be a professor, to teach online, or interact with students via technology. Everything I do in the classroom, everything we were taught in college education classes, includes giving immediate feedback and building relationships with our students. Teachers can anticipate questions by the look on a student’s face before the student even knows how to formulate the question. We put students in groups and move them around the classroom because that’s how they learn best. We take boring lessons and make them hands on because, again, that’s how our students learn. How in the heck am I, a special education teacher, supposed to effectively support and love my students from my kitchen table? I still don’t know the answer to this but I’m (we all are) sure trying to figure it out.

Yesterday I “talked” with one of my students using Google Meet. We were organizing, processing, sharing dog and duck stories, laughing at little brothers in the background when just like I did in my meeting, this sweet gal couldn’t hold it back anymore. She started crying and I immediately reached out like I would do if I were in the classroom. If I were standing next to her I would have hugged her, we would have sat down at a table together, and worked it out. We still figured it out, just differently than normal and that’s going to have to be okay for now.

Since the boys were born I have tried my best to separate school work and home life. I’ve not always been successful but in doing this I’ve kept what little sanity I do have to love on my own boys in the hours I’m not at school. School work was done at school and if it wasn’t I stayed late to get it done.

In a matter of days teachers had to move everything we have done outside of our home for years to inside the four walls of our home. Kitchen tables and home offices became classrooms. Children and pets have become stars of Google Meets. We (think) we have figured out which wall or space in our home gives us the best background for our students to see us when we talk through video conference. And I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m getting real grand at kicking things out of the way to make it look like I have my life together when I do these Google Meets.

I know I’m not the only one, teachers aren’t the only ones, who moved their life that was done outside of home into their house. I know we are all in this together. I also can’t be the only one whose kids have told their dad, “Mom is mean during the day.” or “Not right now, I’m working.” when asked to clean up. Some days I feel like a rock star- doing all the mom and teacher things at the same time. Other days, the tv is entertaining my kids far too long and I’m calling friends to talk me off a ledge.

I think we are in this for the long haul, people. Let’s join each other in finding a new level of acceptable and celebrate the small things. Today I choose to give myself some grace and focus on the good: virtual family game nights, grandparent driveway waves and donut drop offs, calls and honks as friends drive by, Marco Polos with my cousin, family group chats full of our favorite memes from the ‘rona, morning sunrises from our front porch. Let’s all find the good in ourselves and each other. Good luck to the husbands with the extra to-do lists. Cheers to quarantine and social distancing…we got this! ❤️

If you look real close you can see that right pole still has our Christmas lights on it. Killin’ it over here at 850.